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Jokes! - by Prashant


Techies classification of Woman

HARD-DISK woman:She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM woman:She forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS woman:Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can livewithout her.

EXCEL woman:They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET woman: Difficult to access.

SERVER woman: Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM woman: She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS woman: when you are not expecting her, she comes,installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything .

Sardarji Jokes

First a lesson and then the jokes!

We all love Sardar jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the hardest working prosperous and diversified communities in the world.

My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you.. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi. They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man.

But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said,? Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don?t mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.?

My friend continued,* ? That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn?t find a single Sardar begging anywhere.?

MORAL : The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,????. but he will never beg on the streets.

Isn?t this very thought provoking ???

Think about this before telling next Sardar joke.

Contributed by Sandeep

Now the jokes, I haven't learn't my lesson(smile)

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
- puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
- gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
- sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
- tries to drown a fish in water.
- thinks socialism means partying.
- trips over a cordless phone.
- takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
- At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius.".
- studies for a blood test and fails.
- sells the car for gas money.
- misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
- drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
- gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but,suddenly out of the bushes jumps Captain. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His friends ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?

In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya". Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn.". He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????

santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely." CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open???? SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......

santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think?? "UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!" Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think??????? ? "Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????" Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife.. "AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth. Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."