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Bakvaas or interesting? - by Prashant

Bakvaas?

Interesting Laws

H.L.Mencken's Law:
Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot even administer, become consultants.

The Lippman Lemma:
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness

Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

O'brien's Variation:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Van Herpen's Law:
The solving of the problem lies in finding the solvers.

Murphy's Law of Government:
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.

Bell's Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Young's Law:
Great discoveries are made by mistake.

Kin Hubbard:
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

ARITHMETIC OF LIFE

OFFICE ARITHMETIC ;

;Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATHS

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

MATHEMATICS:

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and Cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Tomato Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

'You are employed' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.

'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60..

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US ... He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. The man replied,’ I don't have an email.' The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!' The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'

Moral of the story

Moral 1 : Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2 : If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3 : If you received this message by email, you are closer to being a office boy/girl, than a millionaire.. .........

How much do you love your liver?

Your liver

Hi... I'm Your Liver! Let me tell you how much I love you…in 9 ways

  1. I store the iron reserves you need, as well as a lot of vitamins and other minerals. Without me, you wouldn't have the strength to carry on!
  2. I make bile to help digest your food. Without me, you'd waste away to nothing.
  3. I detoxify poisonous chemicals you give me, and that includes alcohol, beer, wine and drugs (prescribed and over-the-counter) as well as illegal substances. Without me, your "bad" habits would kill you.
  4. I store energy, like a battery, by stockpiling sugar (carbohydrates, glucose and fat) until you need it. Without me, the sugar level in your blood could fall dramatically and you'd go into a coma.
  5. I make the blood that got your system going even before you were born. Without me, you wouldn't be here!
  6. I manufacture new proteins that your body needs to stay healthy and grow. Without me, you wouldn't grow properly!
  7. I remove poisons from the air, exhaust smoke and chemicals you breathe. Without me, you'd be poisoned by pollutants!
  8. I make clotting factors that stop the bleeding when you accidentally prick yourself. Without me, you'd bleed to death!
  9. I help defend you against the germs going into your body all the time. I take those cold germs, flu bugs and other germs you encounter, and knock them dead - or at least weaken them. Without me, you'd be a sitting duck for every infection known to man.

That's how much I love you...
but do you love me?

Let me tell you some easy ways to love me, your liver

  • Don't drown me in beer, alcohol or wine! Even one drink is too much for some people and could scar me for life.
  • I scar easily.. and those scars, called "cirrhosis" are permanent. Medicine is sometimes necessary. But taking pills when they aren't necessary is a bad habit. All those chemicals can really hurt a liver.
  • Be careful with aerosol sprays!
  • Remember, I have to detoxify what you breathe in, too. So when you are cleaning with aerosol cleaners, make sure the room is ventilated, or wear a mask. Watch what gets on your skin! Those insecticides you put on trees and shrubs not only kill bugs they can get to me right through your skin and destroy my cells, too. Remember they're all chemicals. Cover your skin with gloves, long sleeves, a hat and mask every time insecticides are in the air or if you're handling them.
  • Don't eat too much fatty food! I make the cholesterol your body needs, and I try to make the right amount. Give me a break. Eat a good, well balanced nourishing diet. If you eat the right stuff for me, I'll really do my stuff for you!
    WARNING: I can't and won't tell you I'm in trouble until I'm almost at the end of my rope... and yours.
    Remember: I am a non-complainer. Overloading me with drugs, alcohol and other junk can destroy me! This may be the only warning you will ever get.
    Take My Advice, Please!
  • Check me out with your doctor.
  • Blood screening tests can identify some trouble.
  • If I'm soft and smooth, that's good. If I'm hard and bumpy, that could mean trouble.
  • If your doctor suspects trouble, ULTRA SOUND and CT scans can look into it.
  • My life, and yours, depends on how you treat me.

Now you know how much I care for you. Please treat me with tender loving care.

I asked God...

I asked God why I wasn't rich. He showed me a man with the wealth of a thousand Kings, who was lonely, and had no one to share with.

I asked God why I wasn't beautiful. He showed me a woman more beautiful than any other, who was ugly because of her vanity.

I asked God why He'd allowed me to become old. He showed me a boy of 16, who lay dead at the scene of a car accident.

I asked God why I didn't have a bigger house. He showed me a family of six, who had just been evicted from their tiny shack, and were forced, to live on the streets.

I asked God why I had to work. He showed me a man who couldn't find a decent job, because he'd never learned to read.

I asked God why I wasn't more popular. He showed me a socialite with a thousand friends, who all left the moment the money and parties were no longer there.

I asked God why I wasn't smarter. He showed me a natural born genius, serving life in prison for making ill use of his knowledge.

I knew then how much He loved me. Keep smiling... we have million reasons to smile!

Bollywood Quiz

Question: NAME THE FIRST INDIGENOUS INDIAN FILM
RAJA HARISHCHANDRA

Question: NAME THE FIRST “TALKIE” INDIAN FILM
ALAM ARA

Question: NAME THE FIRST 3 D HINDI FILM
SHIVA KA INSAAF

Question: NAME THE FIRST INDIAN FILM TO BE NOMINATED FOR OSCARS
MOTHER INDIA

Question: NAME THE FIRST COLOUR FILM OF INDIAN CINEMA
KISAN KANYA

Question: NAME THE FIRST ACTRESS OF INDIAN CINEMA
PATIENCE COOPER

Question: NAME THE FIRST ACTRESS TO GET A FILMFARE AWARD
MEENA KUMARI

Question: NAME THE FIRST DIRECTOR TO GET A FILMFARE AWARD
BIMAL ROY

Q: NAME THE ONLY INDIAN ACTRESS TO RECEIVE A FANMAIL FROM JAWAHAR LAL NEHRU
DEVIKA RANI

Question: WHICH FAMOUS FILM PERSONALITY WAS KNOWN AS DILIP KUMAR BEFORE CONVERSION TO ISLAM
ALLAH RAKHA RAHMAN

Question: WHICH FAMOUS ACTRESS IS KNOWN BY THE NAME BEGUM AYESHA SULTANA AFTER HER MARRIAGE.
SHARMILA TAGORE

Question: WHO WAS KNOWN AS RAJEEV BHATIA BEFORE HE JOINED FILM INDUSTRY
AKSHAY KUMAR

Question: A FAMOUS ACTOR HARIKRISHNA GOSWAMI IS BETTER KNOWN AS
MANOJ KUMAR

Question: BY WHAT BETTER NAME HIRA LAL ZARIWALA WAS KNOWN IN INDIAN FILM INDUSTRY.
SANJEEV KUMAR

Question: BY WHAT BETTER NAME RAVI KAPOOR IS KNOWN IN INDIAN FILM INDUSTRY.
JEETENDRA

Question: BY WHAT BETTER NAME THE FAMOUS COMEDIAN BADRUDDIN KAZI WAS KNOWN AS IN INDIAN CINEMA
JOHNNY WALKER

Question: WHAT IS NICKNAME OF KAREENA KAPOOR
BEBO

Question: WHAT IS NICKNAME OF KARISHMA KAPOOR
LOLO

Question: WHAT IS NICKNAME OF GOVINDA
CHI CHI

Question: WHAT IS NICKNAME OF PRIYANKA CHOPRA
PIGGY CHOPS TEAM E

Question: WHO IS CHINTU IN INDIAN FILM INDUSTRY
RISHI KAPOOR

Question: WHICH ACTRESS IS NICK NAMED PREETAM SINGH
PRIETY ZINTA

Question: WHAT IS NICKNAME OF HRITHIK ROSHAN
DUGGU

Question: WHAT IS NICKNAME OF SHILPA SHETTY
MANYA

Question: BY WHAT BETTER NAME MUMTAZ BEGUM JEHAN DEHLAVI WAS KNOWN IN INDIAN FILM INDUSTRY.
MADHUBALA

Question: NAME THE FIRST PLAY BACK SINGER OF INDIAN CINEMA
W M KHAN

Question: ZAHEER KHAN HAD AN AFFAIR WITH WHICH ACTRESS
ISHA SHERWANI

Question: LEANDER PAES HAD AN AFFAIR WITH WHICH ACTRESS
MAHIMA CHOUDHARY

Question: MOHSIN KHAN WAS MARRIED TO WHICH INDIAN ACTRESS
REENA ROY

Question: WHICH PAKISTANI CRICKET CAPTAIN WAS LINKED TO ZEENAT AMAN
IMRAN KHAN

Question: YUVRAJ SINGH AND MS DHONI WAS LINKED TO WHICH ACTRESS
DEEPIKA PADUKONE

Question: WHICH AUSTRALIAN CRICKETER IS LINKED TO PRIETY ZINTA
BRETT LEE

Question: IT WAS RUMOURED THAT MEENA KUMARI FELL FOR HER YOUNGER CO-STAR OF PHOOL AUR PATHAR. NAME HIM
DHARMENDRA TEAM H

Question: DESPITE BITTER SEPARATION MADHUBALA LOVED HIM TILL HER DEATH. NAME HIM
DILIP KUMAR